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2016 reflections:::2017 projections

I recently traversed a transcendent wormhole with my roommate and calculated my Human Design (HD) chart. I’m not sure how many of y’all are into/familiar with this, but it’s an amazing personality and design analysis that combines astrology, the I Ching, chakras, and auras. I’m a Projector type with my Ajna and Throat defined—only one defined center away from Castro's ! (whose had a fixed spleen)

hello, it's me, your friendly overthinking chatterbox :) 

hello, it's me, your friendly overthinking chatterbox :) 

Just like delving into my full astrological star chart gave me wonderful personal insights and clarity, HD has helped me understand and become aware of my body’s natural tuning. Learning about HD, you hear lots of talk about broadcasting in regards to one's defined centers. Since my Ajna and Throat are defined they are always *broadcasting* to some extent, leaving those undefined/open centers more as windows, through which energy can pass freely and be absorbed/overcompensated/accounted for, etc. etc.

I’m a highly emotive person, which is in large part why I’ve always felt compelled to pursue the arts in several capacities. And I’m a skilled communicator, both written and spoken. With a fixed Ajna center—which encompasses that o-so-troubling-but-fascinating aspect of existence which allows us to not only think about but also question the interior of thoughts, the whys and hows and patterns of it all—I also synthesize lots of material, novel or otherwise, fairly routinely and systematically. 

But both of these fixed parts can cause trouble in my life. I’m working through that trouble, and what better (and predictable, let’s face it) way to do it, but lay it all out here in cathartic ramblings of yesteryear reflections.

2016 was a doozy—at large and on a much more micro, intimate level for me. It was the first year I’ve really been <on my own> not to mention <on the road> and far far away from my Florida hometown for a long stretch of time. I became financially independent in ways I've never been before and learned a slew of things through countless mistakes and a little too much debt on my hands. The learning curve really is steep, but I remind myself that ever step forward ultimately builds endurance. 

Maybe I grew some callouses last year. Which isn’t to say 2016 was all healing—it also had its share of tears and anxiety and larger existential questioning. Yet I grew and recovered from a very open-sore-sort-of year in 2015. The months immediately post-grad weren’t the kindest nor the happiest, but looking back now I recognize I had to interrogate a lot and break all of it down to move froward: see, (1) ego, (2) ambition, (3) aspirations, and (4) happiness. 

And then I find a moment to stop, like now, and take a big breath. Fully take in where I’m at now. Starting a new year with a job that speak to my skills and offers an open, creative, warm environment. Working on my craft and thinking more consciously about what all this art-making and feeling these teacherly feels really means. Considering grad school more seriously than ever before. Living in a thriving metropolitan city where I honestly have too much to do, all alongside one hell of a support system and close friends. 

I am incredibly thankful for last year and the countless people I’ve connected with along the way that nurtured me. Major shoutouts to the Hoyers, the staff & fellow past interns at Copper Canyon Press (here's lookin' at you VP, Janeen, & Ron) the whole Banana Leaf fam (ily, Fern) Steven, Alex, the Stuy Eye pals, my mom & dad, and all the strangers and random one-offs I’ve met and been changed by <3

I feel like I just did a shameless pseudo-acknowledgements-esque plug for my own damn year—yuck. Hell, this isn’t a novel, but if it were it would be the super messy, uncut version. As for those aforementioned major goals, re: breakdown of ego/ambition, I’m excited to dig into 2017 and work on a few (big) possibilities:

  1. Participating in some kind of workshop/summer program/retreat, DIY or otherwise
  2. Pursuing higher education for my writing, whether that means a traditional grad school MFA or otherwise attained 
  3. Completing a large collaborative project that’s been in the works for a while
  4. Interning at one of the {{zillion}} arts non-profits/presses/venues in NYC
  5. Compiling a chapbook for (maybe? eventual?) digital distribution 

And here’s another list, because this time of year you just can’t get enough of 'em.

Notable Artists Seen in 2016:

  • Mark Doty (Port Townsend, WA)
  • Ellen Bass (Port Townsend)
  • Richard Siken (Seattle, WA)
  • Ocean Vuong (Manhattan)
  • Solmaz Sharif (Manhattan)
  • Jessica Pratt (Queens)
  • Bryce Dessner (Knoxville, TN)
  • Angel Olsen (Knoxville)
  • Philip Glass (Knoxville)
  • Kamasi Washington (Knoxville)
  • Nico Jaar (Knoxville)
  • Mitski (Brooklyn)
  • Big Ups (Brooklyn)
  • Jenny Hval (Manhattan)
  • Girlpool (Brooklyn)
  • Thee Oh Sees (Manhattan)

And with that, I offer a toast I never got around to NYE because I was too busy laughing and drinking the champagne. Here’s to seeing where it all goes. Cheers to good health and meaningful connections and ambitions. May you all thrive and defy in 2017, in the face of proposed tyranny, in the face of self-doubt. Tackle all your demons and fight back. I love you all <3 <3 <3